I had a powerful realisation yesterday. It’s pretty simple, yet huge.
You see, I’ve got this friend. This is someone I met through game. Someone I taught daygame to. Not officially, but just as a friend. This guy went from having little success with women to regular sex. And now, has a very hot girlfriend. And I mean, very hot.
Now, if you were to ask me what this guy was like when I met him – I’d have said “super nice guy. one of the nicest guys I know… awesome,” I’d have meant it. If you’d ask me today… I’d say “he’s kind of a dick.” How so?
He’s got to be the center of attention all the time. He’s always “out-framing” everyone. Hes always interrupting people. If you give him any ounce of power or responsibility (no matter how trivial) he’ll abuse it to assert himself over others. He’s a dick. He’s such a dick, my other friends are coming up to me saying “are you actually friends with that guy?” I’m being put in a situation where I have to explain to them “he’s actually a nice guy. He’s just got some shit he’s got to work through now.”
The thing is, I snapped on this friend last week and told him all of this. I told him everything. The incident that led to my snapping isn’t really relevant: He was just being a complete prick without any provocation whatsoever. Nice. So – I told he was acting like a fucking douchebag… not just then, but all the time. ALL the time. Eventually he apologized, admitted to being a douchbag and said he was having a hard time – he was going thru a lot of shit, etc. And then – he continued being a douchebag. it’s come to a point where I don’t really want to hand around the guy anymore. It isn’t fun.
Now – I’ve thought about this… what’s happened? when I met him a year ago, he was a super guy. sweet and nice, almost timid. Now, anyone would describe him as an asshole. What happened? Game happened.
My realization is this. You can’t go from ZERO to HERO in under 60 seconds. It doesn’t work. Going from a shy, timid bastard to a guy who can hookup with hot girls is a BIG change. It’s massive. It’s the biggest change you could have, other than going from an ignoramus to an enlightened man. And that’s what he’s done, very quickly. And it’s fucked him up totally. He thinks because he has a hot girl on his arm, he’s better than other people. Or, maybe he’s trying to frame control all his friends like he does with women.
I can tell much of his behavior stems from a massive lack of self confidence. But, having a hot girl suggests to him that he’s somewhere that he’s not. He’s not actually, truly a winner yet. he’s not made it – he’s faking it. And he knows he’s faking it. He hasn’t sorted out his inner game…just his outer game. It’s killing him.
Best described he would be this way (I just watched star wars episode 3): He’s a socially miscalibrated guy with deep seated confidence issues who can get girls. He’s actually not very good with people. But, he’s learned enough game to get the occasional girl. If I met this guy now – I’d dismiss him in an instant. But, the problem is – I know who he really is. A nice guy. Or, is that guy I met gone forever?
As a mutual friend of ours said, “he just needs time.” Eventually he’ll get back to normal. But until that happens… sigh. Once I’ve reached out to someone and told them what’s going on, well, the rest is up to them. You can only tell someone so many times to stop being an arsehole. The rest is up to them.
Anyways, what I’m saying is: Getting good with girls really fast can fuck you up. I think Zero to Hero should take a little while. You know, gradual changes maybe over 6 months
Maybe that’s why there’s such a high failure rate at all these bootcamps. You know? Even if someone does breakthrough for a weekend. That doesen’t change WHO YOU ARE. Approaching lots of girls in a nightclub (or in the day) doesn’t change who you are.
So… if you’re a weirdo… you just become a weirdo that can approach girls. That’s even worse, LOL !!
If you’re a cool guy who’s just a bit shit with girls, or a bit shy – then a bootcamp really is for you.
You know what I mean? I know what I mean.
I suppose this means companies should screen everyone who applies for their bootcamps – but… I just can’t see certain companies doing that. I’ve kind of avoided a couple of guys myself who I knew I couldn’t help but…. Yea… Hmm…..
I think there is a future in long term coaching. Baby steps etc…… so far I’ve just been throwing guys in at the deep end. That seems to work too though… MOST of the time. But not always. Sometimes they regress! But over 6 months… if you actually BECAME a cool guy. How can you go back?