Have you ever spoken to a girl… she laughs, or smiles … and then walks away? What is their PROBLEM? This used to really frustrate me a LOT – more than frustrate, this used to kill me.
I’d lay in bed at night thinking … WHY? I know she liked me. What is going on?
Well – it’s taken me years, and a ton of interactions. But I think I’ve figured it out – for the most part. Here are some reasons women may walk away when they like you. The first few a fairly obvious… the last few I’m going to discuss in detail…
These are all fine and dandy. But what about when they obviously like you… What about when they give you clear signals and still walk away?
Here’s a crazy thought. What if the very reason they’re not stopping to talk to us is because they might be ATTRACTED?
WHAT?? Sounds counter-intuitive right? Surely if someone LIKES you they would want to talk to you?? Nope – not necessarily!
Here’s the meat of it – girls simply do not know how to react when a guy hits on them on the street, in broad daylight. It’s not really in their reality to BE picked up by a guy (no matter how cute/interesting/funny/whatever) in broad daylight. It’s out of their comfort zone. In fact, if they found you clearly unattractive in a lot of cases the conversation may actually last longer. They’re not initially as nervous to talk to you whatsoever and a lot of girls will have a chat. But if you’re cute and you’re flirty of the top – they may very well simply just run away. This used to drive me CRAZY until I actually figure out what was going on.
Here’s the rub: Sometimes they’ll walk away because they are interested and are afraid that they may actually say the wrong thing and mess it up. Sound crazy?
Let me ask you this: How many times have you opened a hot girl in a club – I mean a really hot girl: It’s going ok and as soon as you get a bit of some sort of negative (or even perceived) negative feedback you bail out? Maybe she just gives you a funny look, or doesn’t reply to your question and you excuse yourself? Why? Because you were afraid of being blown out. Well guess what: Women are just as afraid of being blown out if they are attracted to you! Many will AVOID talking to you altogether because they are out of their comfort zone and don’t want to get blown out!
Have you ever had a girl that you like hit on you and you totally messed it up because you were so surprised, you didn’t know what to do in the moment? Women are no different in this respect – especially in the day time.
Think about it – what are they used to? Where are women in comfortable and in command? Nightclubs, of course.
They’re all dressed up. They’ve got makeup on. It’s dark. They look hot. Guys are hitting on them, buying them drinks right, left and centre. They know how to handle themselves. A 19 year old girl has been hit on hundreds of times already. Every attractive girl in the club is in her element. They thrive in the club. They’re not even part of the matrix – they are the matrix. Everything in the club revolves around the women. All the men are there, all the drinks are sold, all everything that goes down in that clubs is for them and they know it!
So if they don’t want to talk to you it’s very easy for them to dismiss you. They can ignore you, or make a bitchy face, just turn to their friends. Or they can outright tell you to piss off.
But – on the street. They got nothing. No defenses, friends, no fallbacks. They haven’t got the power. The only thing they can do is just pretend it didn’t happen and keep walking. Or just smile and keep moving. Or mutter “thanks!” and just run along. Pretty lame huh? But that’s how they deal with it quite frequently. I have to say it, but most women have little game and simply lack the tools to deal with the situation. Why would they have game, they’ve never had to make an approach their entire lives!
Another key reason that women (while giving you signals that she likes you) will still walk away from you is this:
Most women aren’t looking to get laid by anyone new.
I know – it hurts. I wish it weren’t that way. But they’re not. MOST hot girls either have a boyfriend, or at least one or two guys they are sleeping with. That’s just the cold hard reality of it. At the absolute least there are several guys hanging around her or guy “Friends” that are trying to sleep with her. So when she sees you she’s not thinking “hey maybe this is an amazing guy I could date” … usually it doesn’t even cross their mind. The only way to make them want YOU is for them to get to know you. And for this to happen, you need to have a nice, long chat with them – before they can get away!
Now – of course I’ve come up with a few tactics that minimize their ability to walk away. Nothing fancy but they work. Let’s get down to it:
(A) Don’t just start talking to them about any random bullshit when you approach them. This is a spot where “situational openers” fail terribly. If a woman is on the move (see walking) don’t use a situational opener. Even if it’s absolutely brilliant. I’ve said the absolutely perfect, most hilarious thing to many a beauty – only to have them laugh out loud and keep walking. Of course you can chase after them but it’s an uphill battle (more on that later) … don’t be a bitch – open them direct so they either talk to you or blow you out. This is not the time for situational stuff. It’s great when it works or if they are immobile but forget it if they’re moving. If you want to go indirect – that’s fine too, but just stay away from the situational stuff for girls on the move.
(B) Touchy touchy! INSTA kino. I’m not talking about sexual touch here – just a friendly touch on the elbow to get their attention. Once again if you just start talking – no matter how brilliant the words coming out of your mouth are – they may just act like they didn’t hear it and keep walking. Or they may actually not hear you – or not be sure you’re even talking to them. They don’t know you – maybe you were talking to someone else? They’re in a rush! They’ve got places to be – so why stop to inquire what you’re on about? Maybe you’re a crazy person. Better to keep walking. However if you TOUCH them and start talking they CANNOT ignore you. They just can’t. They can’t pretend they don’t know you’re talking to them. To keep walking would just be a huge social faux pas which again people are trained not to commit. She HAS to talk to you. Even if all she says is “piss off!” … I’ll take that over being ignored any day. At least it counts as an interaction. And it gives me something to joke around about with my buddies!
(C) Physically get in their way and prevent them from leaving. That’s right. I said it! I’ve experimented on loads of different ways of stopping girls and this is actually the most effective. Especially if you are struggling with getting girls to stop … trying this is an absolute must! Now, don’t just jump out in front of them. That’s liable to get you kicked in the nuts! But, just overtake them from the side, step RIGHT in front of them as you grab their shoulder and …. Say what you gotta say! Now, this doesn’t guarantee she won’t walk away – but it DOES virtually guarantee they’ll HEAR the opener – and know you’re talking to them. If they still make a move… if you’ve gotten any signs she’s interested (“IOIs”) – you RE OPEN! (that means a laugh, a smile, a look. ANY excuse. RE OPEN!
Right – so – once you stop them and touch them, you just have to get them TALKING! The opener almost doesn’t matter so long as you’re smiling and have a good fun vibe. It helps if you are calm and collected. There’s a billion openers online. Try a few out or just go with “Hi – I’m xxx – I just thought you looked adorable/friendly/interesting and I wanted to meet you. What are you up to today?”
Now a LOT of girls are going to try and get away from you right there – THIS is the time to plow, see? Because if they cut the thread and leave at this point – it’s not because they don’t like YOU. They don’t even KNOW you. So you gotta suck them in to give yourself a shot.
PUA: (kino) “Hi – You’re so hot you just made me shit my pants. You owe me $4 for new underwear!!”
HB: “haha you’re crazy!” (turns to walk off)
Sasha: “Hey wait – I just HAVE to know your name!”
HB: – I’m Christiana
Sasha: (extends hand) “Cool name. I’m Sasha. Let me guess….. you’re frommmm……. Nigeria right?”
Christiana: “What?? I’m from here. I’m white, are you crazy?”
Sasha: “hehe I know. I just wanted to see you smile. You’ve got a great smile. Where are you going?”
Christiana: “Oh I’m going to meet my friend!”
Sasha: “Cool. I just came from the gym. You won’t believe what happened to me – I joined a gay gym! I’m the only straight guy in there! Every time I bend over…”
Boom! I’m away. The key is getting past the critical moment at the beginning where THE MAJORITY of girls try and get away. Not to brag, but I’m a good looking guy. I dress press pretty funky most of the time. And guess what? Most gorgeous girls try and walk away from me around HALF the time.
You just have to TALK. Open your mouth and let ‘er rip! That’s all it takes. Don’t do anything retarded – and TALK! That example up there is a simple one – that’s pretty much how the start of most of my sets go.
I open direct with something funny – the girls laugh, or say “thanks” and try and walk off. Either way I demand their name… then I’ll just assume something about them. Maybe call it a cold read or whatever… Then just see what they’re up to … If they tell me I take that as an invitation to tell them what I’m up to. Then I’ll go into one of my hook stories. If you don’t know what hook stories are go and read my “hook theory” article.
But there you have it: GIRLS WHO LIKE YOU WILL WALK AWAY FROM YOU ALL THE TIME.
Go after them.
Now – the next thing. Sometimes they’ll laugh and you’ll ask their name and they’ll just say “I’ve got to go I’m late!” you know what u do? You RE OPEN!
That’s right! Just chase after them. If they’re late, you say “No problem. I’ll escort you!”
Usually I’ll just yell crazy ass shit at them.
“You don’t think it’s that easy to get away from me, do you? It’s love at first sight!”
“I thought we were going to start a family!!”
“I won’t hit you anymore, I swear!”
“Think of the kids!”
“How do you know I’m not the one!?”
If they LAUGH or look back, I’ll chase after them and re-open. If they completely don’t react I may let it go. That’s just my personal thing though – being a comedian I’m always screening for girls that find me funny. If they don’t, it’s a real turn off so sometimes I simply won’t bother. But, I always, always test to see if they’re cool. If they give me IOIs, great. If I think I’ve got a shot, I go for it and re-open! (And often I go for it even when I don’t think I’ve got a shot!)
Here’s an example of me re-opening THREE times before she finally stops…
But remember: girls walking away from you in the day time means NOTHING if it’s right after your opener. WHAT the girl does is just as important as WHEN she does it. If she walks away after your opener, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. If you talk to her for a few minutes and then she walks away – that’s a much better indicator that she may not be interested. This is very similar to something I wrote in a previous article. I wrote that if a woman tells you she has a boyfriend immediately at the beginning of the interaction it means almost nothing – as it can (and probably is) her standard line to get rid of guys. But if she talks to you for 10 minutes and it comes up, it’s probably true. Do you see the difference?
So, if you’ve spoken to a woman for a couple of minutes and they walk away – it’s a little more significant. Even then that happens; you can still apply everything that I’ve just said. You may have said one thing they didn’t like. Maybe she really is late for something. Maybe she just didn’t know how to deal with you and it was easier to walk off. RE-OPEN!
You know all those typical scenarios in romance movies and films: Where the guy is after the girl and she doesn’t like him but he keeps on and on and on and eventually she relents and he gets his way? Guess what folks: that isn’t just Hollywood bullshit. That’s one aspect of male/female relations that Hollywood is not romanticizing. THAT’S HOW IT WORKS! The man chases the woman. And one thing I’ve figured out from my many interactions with women is this: their respect for you goes UP when you really persist and try and get the girl. A giggle and a back turn means try again. A laugh and a smile as they walk away means “I AM NOT EASY! TRY HARDER”
The “anti slut defense” which has been written about much in the community applies during the day. By showing interest in you too easily, they feel slutty. This is one of the primary reasons girls run away from you as you approach. They don’t want to feel that you’ve won them over easily!
They just want to feel special. They want to feel that you really want THEM! Remember my personal motto – NO MEANS NOW! That’s right – if she says no STRAIGHT away, re-open her NOW! Believe me, when they won’t want to talk to you anymore, they’ll let you know.
Sometimes I have re opened a woman up to FOUR TIMES (could have been five) before getting her number. But, every time she was smiling, and walking away. Remember: only do this if you are still getting IOIs. If she makes a grumpy face and tells you to fuck off… Well, that means it’s time for your next approach ;)
The moral of the story is this… Girls walking away from you is NOT always an indicator of disinterest. And the way to find out for sure is… RE-OPEN! What are you worried about? What, they might walk away from you a second time? Who cares? Don’t you want to KNOW if you can get her? If you’ve put the time and effort into going out there and actually approach women that you don’t know… surely you want to put in 100%? I can’t stress how important this concept is – GIVE IT YOUR ALL! Do you know what that means? It means
Good luck, and happy hunting!
P.S. Can you guess what 2 words come out of my mouth the MOST on a bootcamp? Oh man…you catch on fast… ;)