Mythbuster Mihka! is a series of articles aimed at breaking down common myths and fallacies the pickup and dating.
It is a frequent complaint of young “nice guys” that women only date assholes, or only like assholes, or only sleep with assholes, or douchebags, or jerks or whatever variation of that complaint is.
The implication of course, is that the person making the complaint is NOT an asshole, and is missing out on a desirable outcome because of being nice.
Both the statement and the implication are false, and the sooner you understand why the sooner you can stop complaining and get busy being a real man!
First off, stop thinking in absolutes. Nobody ONLY or ALWAYS does something. To address situations with such finality creates instances of stereotyping, judging, not listening to one another, and many of the various nefarious “isms” that bring our society down, including sexism. To assign a definite outcome on something also removes your responsibility in the situation and makes you a victim. How can you possibly succeed if women are ALWAYS like this? Probably better to just give up since there’s nothing you can do about it!
Well that’s not what we teach here and that’s no way to think if you want to feel empowered in your life!
Drop the “only”s and “always”s and “never”s in all parts of your life because you’re only hurting yourself.
Next, start questioning your identity as a “nice guy”. What does that even mean? You’re going to want to find Dr. Robert Glover’s book, No More Mr. Nice Guy ASAP! Lots of stuff has been written about the toxicity of the nice guy mentality and I’ll be referencing it throughout the article. If my statements sound too strong, go do your research.
Now let’s address the phenomena of a woman dating someone that YOU think is a jerk. Why is she choosing him over you and why is she choosing him in the first place?
Face facts: Jerks, assholes, douchebags… these are all noticeable people. You see them. Often because they WANT to be seen. They want more attention than you do, or at least they’re more willing to do something to get it. And if they want attention from women then guess what? THEY’RE APPROACHING THEM! And they’re doing it A LOT!
Those jerks don’t need pickup bootcamps because at least they do the one correct step of approaching a woman or getting her attention and when done enough times in a row that leads to sex. Think logically: if the awesome guys aren’t matching the efforts of the assholes in the market, then who will the consumer go with? The only choice they think they have!
Now obviously women know there are better guys out there but the biggest complaint I hear from women is how hard they are to find. She doesn’t know you’re standing right there if you don’t open your mouth! You are invisible to her! In the short term, at the bar or club, she feels like it’s already a losing battle that she’ll find an actually good guy there. Yes, she’s hoping she will. But the realistic women are already assuming that most of the dudes who walk up to them are going to have something wrong… too drunk, too loud, just wants sex, etc.
That means that if you’re a good guy you not only have to speak up but you have to be able to back it up and I don’t mean by holding a door or buying her drinks without expecting sex in return. Most “nice guys” think basic human decency should be rewarded. It shouldn’t. It should be expected (all you deserve is a thank you, nothing more).
To put it simply, at the bar she isn’t choosing an asshole OVER you, she’s making her best guess of a good time from her available options. If you didn’t enter the fray or manage to distinguish yourself from the pack after you did then sorry! You fairly lost the opportunity. No woman is praying “Please send me a total prick to spend time with! I enjoy hurting myself!” If you think they are it only puts yourself in a better, but still false, light and does nothing to change things.
MYTH: Women are only attracted to assholes!
TRUTH: Women are not picking assholes over you at the bars. They’re just choosing from the presented options, same as any man.
SOLUTION: Learn to approach women and cultivate an intriguing vibe.
REQUIRMENTS: Stop complaining and start verifying your assumptions by actually approaching women!
Here at SashaPUA.com, we can teach you what you need to move past the “Nice Guy” vs “Asshole” dichotomy and start treating women like equals instead of enigmas.
Don’t believe me? Sign up for a bootcamp and if you’re not satisfied you can get a full refund and tell me I’m wrong to my face.