The Beggar’s frame
Original post on Dec 30th – 2007 re-edited May 15th 2008
I was walking down the street just outside Wood Green tube station this man (who was clearly homeless) started to approach me. I had this really powerful feeling - I knew that he was going to ask for money. He had this desperate look in his eye – I could tell he wanted something just by looking at his eyes, I didn’t need his clothes as a clue. It was clear he was defeated man from his body language. His shoulders were slumped and his face was just giving it all away. He looked hopeless. I knew he’d been turned down 100 times already that day and it made it really easy for me to do the same. He was expecting it. I shook my head no even before he asked me for money and he just sauntered along, off to his next target. He wasn’t persistent at and I didn’t expect he would be.
Do you see where I’m going with this?
I just though to myself “Can you imagine if this guy was trying to pick up?”
This guy even with the best clothes and clean shaven and washed would have no chance at all.
He was coming in with “Beggar’s frame” … he’d already been rejected and he was expecting to get rejected again. Not a hint of confidence at all. Any woman would just think “If everyone else has shot him down, I don’t want him either!” … he could be the most amazing human being in the world, but with body language and vibe that he was projecting, nobody is ever going to find out! He’s never going to get past the approach…
Ah that brings me to the next point. Vibe. It wasn’t just his physicality that put me off him. It was his overall…. Being. I could just feel it. He certainly wasn’t in state. He was very, very far from being in state. He was anti state! I felt that just as much as I noticed his defeated body language.
When a bum approaches us (or a bumette – God knows I want to be PC,) think about how easily we just say “no” and wave them away. It’s automatic. There’s no thought process required. We see them coming and know instinctually they are low value and we just shoo them off! It’s just as easy for a hot girl to shoo you away as well! And it happens almost as automatically.
Think how much easier you make it for a woman to dismiss you in such a manner if you come in with crappy body language!
So for all you new guys (everyone really) next time you approach a set, keep that image of that poor, stinky, defeated, hopeless man in your mind. Think about his sorrowful, helpless eyes. His scruffy, unshaven face. His swollen, hungry belly and his slumped shoulders. His shaky hand he got from Vietnam in ‘69. (He pees himself whenever there’s a loud noise.)
Being itself is his ultimate defeat.
Don’t be that man. Avoid Beggars frame when you approach a set at all costs… Hell, avoid it altogether!
Just to summarize – things to avoid:
-Looking down/avoiding eye contact
-Shoulders slumped
-Being twitchy/creepy
-Focusing on negative thoughts/ on past failure
-Drug and alcohol abuse
-Not bathing for weeks
That last one was a joke, folks
Hopefully I don’t have to tell anyone out there to avoid walking around unabated in torn up raggedy clothes. But hey – I’ve met a homeless PUA before so you never know…. ;)
Sasha